dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
