I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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