she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
