dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
