Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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