your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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