if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i now understand why vodka
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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