So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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