Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
