So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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