I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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