she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
