some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
