I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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