Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize