Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
