I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
