Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
