I will die if light touches me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
