Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
