I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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