That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
