you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize