i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize