I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
