I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Shame - the story of my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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