we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
