The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry about my life...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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