My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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