i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
