I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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