Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize