I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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