i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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