my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
