is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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