Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
