its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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