Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
