sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
