i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
