he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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