Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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