Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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