I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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