I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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