that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
