It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
