because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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