somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
