I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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