My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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