I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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