i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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