So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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