Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
