This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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