pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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