How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize