final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
