Yo dont text me then not text me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
