Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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