You made me cry and you don't even care
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
