Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
