Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
