there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
