I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
