so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
