Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
