just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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