Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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