Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
