woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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