Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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